The Wheezes of Christmas Present
by SaintDionysus
Summary: *Written for Let Your Heart be Light Advent* Unlike their baby brother and his best friend, Fred and George Weasley know everything, including the fact one particular specky git fancies one flame-haired harpy, and she feels the same. Sixth-year Christmas. Not necessarily AU. Just a lighter moment during the war. Some sexual innuendos. Hinny, Bleur, Remadora.


_Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction using characters and entities from the Wizarding World trademarked by J. K. Rowling. Original plots, dialogue, and characters are mine._

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 **Story Synopsis:** Unlike their baby brother and his best friend, Fred and George Weasley know _everything,_ including the fact one particular specky git fancies one flame-haired harpy, and she feels the same.

Sixth-year Christmas. Not necessarily AU. Just a lighter moment during the war.

 **Songs that inspired the chapter:** a boatload of Christmas tunes

 **Beta:** MotherofBulls and Mama2HPBabies

 **Prompt** **:** Written for LightofEvolution's Let Your Heart be Light Advent

Must include:

One (1) Candle

A quote from Christmas Vacation:

"Our daughter is frozen from the waist down."  
"That's all part of the experience, honey."

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 **The Wheezes of Christmas Present**

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Fred and George Weasley weren't like their brothers. Yeah, there was the unmistakable ginger hair and similar facial features but it kind of ended there.

Bill was every bit the prodigal son except he was a daring risk taker. Breaking ancient curses was his freaking job. He was the Indiana Jones of the Wizarding World—whoever that is. Something Harry said.

Charlie trains frigging dragons. Enough said.

Percy is just a knob. A wiry, ambitious, studious knob. Now Fred and George didn't take the piss out of him for being intelligent and having goals. Not at all. In that respect, they were very much the same. The teased him relentlessly because he was downright arrogant and condescending about it.

Little Ronniekins, their poor baby brother. Hand-me-downs and an inferiority complex. Sometimes they just didn't have it in their hearts to mess with him...so they gave it a minute or so.

Now the twins—ingenious, able to do the best they can with what was dealt, sneaky pranksters, and motivated entrepreneurs. Put these traits down in House terms: Cunning, Resourceful, and Ambitious. Now, the Weasleys bleed scarlet and gold and speak in roars, _but_ you have to admit, they can be very snake-like. One of the most un-Gryffindor traits they possess is observation. Sadly, there must be something in the Tower that zaps away people's ability to see what is right in front of their faces. Maybe it's because there were two of them; two sets of eyes to survey, two sets of ears to listen out for gossip, and two mouths to talk their way in and out of trouble. Fred and George always know everything, seriously _everything_ before everyone else—including the fact one particular specky git fancies one flame-haired harpy, and she feels the same.

—xoxox—

"Ginny! Could you please take these pies to the sitting room?" the Weasley matriarch hollered.

She stuffed one in her face and replied, "Yesh Mum," as she grabbed the platter.

"Don't talk with your mouth full!" Molly smacked her daughter playfully with a tea towel.

The youngest Weasley sat intimately close to one Harry Potter and proceeded to feed him one of those tasty Christmas pies.

"George, did you see that?" Fred asked his brother as they both leaned up against the mantle sipping their mulled wine.

"Ah yes," George responded and began to narrate the scene, "The juvenile female in her natural environment observing the timid male. While he has entered into her territory on more than one occasion he seems taken aback by the female's actions."

Without skipping a beat, Fred continued, "The adolescent mating ritual has begun. Observe. The flitting of eyelashes and leaning in of bodies."

"Oh. The female is winning over the male. He has just adjusted his genitals, arousal imminent."

"She notices the change in demeanor. The young lioness looks prepared to pounce—wait! What is this? Another male has entered the scene. Not a potential mate. No. No. _Cockblocktikus Erectus_ also known as the clueless older brother."

George sighs, "You know, I love Ron, but he is so thick. He literally had to have a girl launch herself at him for him to get it."

"Oh, Ronniekins. Alright how are we approaching this?" Fred raised one eyebrow questioningly.

"By taking the mick out of them, of course." George looked over his shoulder to see who could overhear them. "I brought those Christmas crackers."

"The ones you deemed not safe for public consumption?"

"The very ones."

"Brilliant. I'll mix a few in with the ones we already made." Fred snickered. "Let me check how long we have until dinner."

George watched his twin walk away and stalked toward his younger siblings. "Sooo…" he interrupted whatever mundane conversation they were having and plopped into a cushy armchair. "What are you crazy kids up to this fine Christmas Eve?"

Ron shoved a pie in his gob and shrugged while Ginny pouted and looked the other way. Harry was the only one polite enough to answer. "Just hanging out. How's the shop?"

"Oh, business is business, _partner_ ," George winked.

"I told you. It was a gift—"

"Ah, but you signed the contract and receive royalties forwarded to your vault." The twin flashed a devilish grin.

"Wait, I don't remember signing—"

"Oh, but you did. That time I showed you our new disappearing ink."

"What?"

"It wasn't disappearing. It was transferring. Part of our new school line. Get parents to sign documents they normally wouldn't. Got the idea your third year." George crossed his arms satisfied. Harry's gaping mouth could have caught a swarm of flies.

"Wait," Ron piped up. "Harry's a silent partner and you won't even give me a discount?"

"He was our primary investor. We take care of those that take care of us, little brother," Fred added strolling into the conversation. "Nepotism isn't our bag. So you shouldn't expect it."

"Wait…" Harry pondered. "If I'm partner, do I have any say—"

"No," George interrupted, "You're a silent partner who owns less than five percent."

"And aren't entitled to any decision making _or_ handing out of discounts," Fred added.

Harry and Ron sat on the settee and looked defeated. Fred and George always managed to outsmart them. If Hermione ever went into business with them, they would be unstoppable.

"So…" George attempted to change the conversation. "Hermione's not stopping by at all this Christmas? What did you do to piss her off, Ron?"

"Lavender Brown," Ginny answered with a smirk.

Ron groaned and looked the other way. Harry didn't think the conversation could get more awkward, but it did.

"Truly, you're clueless, little brother," Fred shook his head in shame. "Please tell me our girl isn't moping over that one."

Harry's eyes grew wide, surprised that Fred was so forthcoming with the assumption Hermione had feelings for Ron and wasn't sure how to respond. He scratched his head and muttered, "She um…"

"—Is seeing Cormac McClaggen," Ginny said with wry smile.

"But at Slughorn's party—" Harry was utterly confused.

"They put on a good show, didn't they?" Ginny paused to see everyone's reactions. As expected, Fred and George seemed pleased by this development, Ron turned as red as Santa's coat, and Harry just looked confused. She continued, "I mean, at first, she was genuinely disinterested, but he is a great dancer. Great reflexes. I honestly have no idea how he didn't make the team." Ginny goaded Ron, making him pay for interrupting the moment she and Harry were about to share.

"Go on about Hermione's new fella, Gin," Fred insisted; he just loved to stir the pot.

"They had a _moment_ sometime late in the party," pausing for dramatic effect. "I walked outside, actually looking for you, Harry. Instead I found them. Very eager to learn more about each other on an _intimate_ level."

"Enough!" Ron burst out. Suddenly realizing his reaction, he tried to play it off. "I mean. Hermione is of age. She can see whoever she wants. I mean. She and Dicklaggen. They'll never have what me and Lav have. What we have is real. You know what I mean?"

Harry doubled over in laughter. He laughed so hard he struggled for breath.

"Oi!" Ron shoved Harry in the shoulder. "What's so funny?"

The laughter was infectious; Ginny and the twins joined in the raucous revelry.

"Sure, Ronniekins," George eked, "Lavender Brown will make a wonderful addition to the Weasley Clan one day."

Ron went ghostly pale, "That's not what I...err...I mean...bollocks."

"Language." Arthur, the Weasley patriarch sidled up to his youngest children and his unofficially adopted son. "Dinner's ready. Wash up. Oh, and Fleur set the table beautifully with holly, juniper, and baubles. She even calligraphed place cards."

"How nice of her," Ginny moaned sarcastically.

"Be nice," George scolded his sister as if mocking a child.

"I agree," her father added. "Fleur is trying very hard to blend her family traditions with ours. Oh, and Fred, those crackers you placed look lovely. We're very excited to see what you put in them. A few of my co-workers bought some at your shop."

"Thanks, Dad," he grinned. "These were made specially for the family."

"We know you'll get a kick out of it." George's face looked all too mischievous while saying that.

—xoxox—

The Weasleys, along with Harry, Remus, and Tonks sat and admired Fleur's handiwork. She had transformed the humble dining room table into an elegant yet welcoming landscape of Christmas cheer. Of all the festive decor, the one item that struck everyone most was a single candle in the center of the table with stars floating above it.

"Sirius," Moony choked out, still mourning the loss of his friend. "Thank you Fleur.

She responded with a single nod.

Harry was moved by her gesture. He, like Remus, still hadn't fully recovered from the loss. "Thanks," was all he could manage to say.

"To Padfoot!" The twins called in unison, raising their glasses.

"To Padfoot!" The rest of the dinner guests chanted and clinked glasses in honor of their fallen friend.

"Alright everyone, let's pop our crackers and start dinner!" Molly said joyfully, trying to bring back the festive mood. "Let's go one at a time. The boys tell me these are special and we won't want to do them all at once. I'll start."

The twins smiled at each other with glee. While some of the crackers were more on the traditional side, others had that special Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes touch.

 _Crack!_ A regal-looking crown popped out of the cracker. She chuckled at the sight. "Now isn't this lovely!" Instead of a pillow of fine velvet, multi-colored knitted wool befitting the Weasley matriarch sat upon her head surrounded by ornate papier mache painted to look like gold.

"Me next!" Arthur said excitedly as he tore apart the gold paper. His matched his wife's but had a rubber duck adhered to the front. The table all laughed as he squeezed it repeatedly making it squeak.

"Let's go in age order, shall we?" George spoke up.

"Respectful like," Fred agreed.

All eyes trained on Remus. "Oh, alright. Thanks for reminding me I'm an old sod. Here goes." He pulled out a parchment crown that was printed with a map of the Burrow and little names all sitting around the dinner table. Lupin smiled fondly at it and proudly placed it on his head. "I'm glad you boys were the ones to find it before passing it on to Harry. Thank you."

"So do we finally get to call ourselves Marauders?" they asked in unison.

"No," he replied flatly waiting for their response.

At the quick reply, they stared at him in shocked and disappointed. While they hadn't expected it, the twins would have loved it if Remus would make them part of his gang.

With a wry smile, he replied, "You have been since you found it."

The twins beamed with pride at the official recognition of being part of the illustrious band of hooligans.

One by one, the family opened their crackers.

"Look, I'm the Sphinx," Bill chortled as he placed his headdress.

"Wicked!" Charlie hollered marveling at the sleeping dragon curled into a crown, huffing steam from its nostrils.

Tonks struggled in concentration to get her hair to match the the alternating color pattern of her paper crown and exclaimed, "I got it!" When she and the crown were synchronized.

Next would have been Percy but he had sided with the Ministry and hadn't made amends with his family. Bill saw his mother look down, attempting to hide her pain of his brother's absence. The eldest Weasley turned to his fiancee and nudged her lovingly, "Fleur, darling, I think you're next."

She pulled on the crackers carefully, nervous of the loud sound. Instead, it sounded like a choir of angels. Fluttering golden butterflies flew out of the paper tube carrying a crown made of ornate paper flowers and placing it upon the former Champion's head. "C'est magnifique!"

"Flowers for our Flower," Fred said smoothly.

"You flirting with my fiancee, little brother?" Bill joked.

"Absolutely not," he said with a wink.

"I love it." She stood from her seat and walked over to the twins and kissed them both on the cheek.

" _Mer-Ci…"_ they sighed, easily put under their sister-in-law-to-be's natural, veela charms. It took her sitting back down to regain their composure—it wasn't easy though. The golden butterflies only illuminated her features making her look even more like a goddess.

While Ginny and her mother scoffed at how easily the men fawned over the French girl, Tonks on the other hand, gave both Bill and Fleur a cheeky wink and shrug of the eyebrows. Remus caught her suggestive little gesture and let out a laugh. He leaned over and whispered, "You have more Black in you than I thought."

"And I wouldn't mind a little wolf in me later," she replied coyly.

He swallowed hard, astounded as to how bold the young Auror was. Lupin gripped his napkin tightly, trying to distract himself from the hand creeping up his thigh.

Fred caught sight of what was going on and leaned in on Tonks' other side, and quietly quipped, "You naughty witch."

"I have two hands, you know," she grinned.

"But how would feed yourself? I'm sure my mother would surely notice if you weren't eating and you had two men next to you howling and growling," Fred retorted playfully.

Her hair was no longer changing colors and went as red as the velvet tablecloth covering the table. Whether that was to indicate she was embarrassed or in a festive mood was undetermined.

"Oi!" George nudged his brother. "Enough skeezing on our future sister-in-law. It's our turn."

The twins reactions mirrored one another with the most evil of grins. They popped their crackers spewing loud fireworks that whizzed around the house. Everyone laughed in amazement and thankful for this rare moment of joy and unencumbered frivolity. After much fanfare, the men pulled out the most ostentatious orange paper top hats with purple and green plumage.

Suddenly charged with excitement, Ron tore into his cracker without prompting. All that came out was a bit of confetti, a slip of paper with a terrible riddle, and a simple tissue crown. There was nothing special about this cracker. It may have even been Muggle-made. He scoffed in disappointment. "Why did I even think you would do something special for me..."

"Put it on Ron," George insisted.

"Fine. Plain, old, boring Ron with his—oh, Fred, George. This is cracking! All of this is truly remarkable. You two are my favorite brothers. Sorry, Bill and Charlie. It's no wonder you didn't bother with your NEWTs. You're both brilliant. Tonks and Fleur, you both look amazing tonight one day I hope to find someone as beautiful, amazing, funny, and supportive of you. I have Lavender but she's basically just a Hoover. Speaking of which, you should totally get one, Mum."

"Son, I don't need a girlfriend and I don't know what a Hoover is." Molly looked puzzled at Ron's suggestion.

"It's a Muggle machine that sucks up dirt off the floor. Hermione told me all about it. I wish she was here. I'm used to having her around but she hates my girlfriend. Lav's not that bad—"

"Because she _sucks_?" His father raised an eyebrow questioningly.

The tone of her husband's voice made Molly's mouth gape in realization.

Fred and George snickered as pleasantries and self-incrimination spilled out of their baby brother's mouth.

"Go on, Ron," Fred licked his lips and smirked. "Can you say more nice things about everyone?"

"Of course. Harry, you're my best mate. I wish we could adopt you so you could be my brother. That or you could marry Ginny and then you'd be my brother-in-law."

The two youngest at the table blushed in embarrassment and it was not lost on the rest of the guests.

"Harry, go on and open yours," Remus gestured to the green cracker in front of his former student. He smiled nostalgically as this situation reminded him of a time in which he and his friends pushed together an awkward Lily and James.

On the one hand, Harry was excited because he knew it would be brilliant because it was the twins after all. On the other hand he was terrified also because of the twins. "Okay, here goes…" His face scrunched as he slowly pulled it apart. The comforting little pop made him relax but only slightly. "So far so good."

"Alright mate, put on your crown," George urged.

"It's by far our most festive"," Fred added.

Harry shook the cardboard tube and out came a holly wreath. "So do I look like the Ghost of Christmas present?" He asked as he put it on.

Tonks was the only one to catch the reference being the only other half-blood in the room. "Yeah, mate. You gonna tell us we're living our lives like shite?"

"Just Ron," he quipped and shoved his best friend playfully in the arm.

While the purebloods were utterly confused by their conversation, a vine grew out of the wreath adorning Harry's head. They all watched eagerly in anticipation as a bud grew and blossomed into mistletoe. Harry turned to Ginny wondering if this would be the best time to kiss her.

Molly giggled at the sight and hopped out of her chair and practically ran to Harry and kissed him on the cheek. "Happy Christmas, Harry."

Fleur followed suit and kissed Harry on both cheeks. "Joyeux Noël, 'Arry."

Tonks brusquely took both of his cheeks in her hands and kissed him full on the lips. When she had finished, his glasses were askew and he couldn't see straight. Tonks just laughed it off and punched him in the shoulder. "You're a precious little git."

"My turn," Ginny said longingly. All the other woman had taken their turn at the Chosen One except her. She leaned in and before their lips could touch, cool silver foil came between them.

"Ginevera…" Fred mocked playfully, as he levitated the cracker between them. "You need to open yours so that we can start dinner.

"Fine," she pouted. Indelicately, she pulled out the snowflake crown made of iridescent paper. "Oh, am I supposed to be a snow queen."

"You could say that," George attempted to stifle a laugh.

Against her better judgment, she put the crown upon her head. A bright flash of light blinded everyone in the room. In Ginny's place was not the youngest Weasley, but a giant snowman.

"BOYS!" Molly hollered. "Did you transfigure your sister into a snowman?"

 _"EEEERRRRRPPPHHHH!"_ A muffled scream came from inside the melting snow sculpture.

"Nope," replied George.

"Just a little Christmas cheer," Fred joked.

Ginny was able to break her top half out but couldn't manage to move her legs. Her teeth were chattering. If her hands weren't shaking so badly and could grip her wand, she would have hexed her brothers into the New Year.

Molly looked at her sons and seethed. The 'look' seemed to have no effect. She turned to her husband whose sniggers were quickly becoming a hearty belly laugh. "Arthur! Our daughter is frozen from the waist down."

"That's all part of the experience, honey." His response garnered him a swift swat on the arm.

Fred interjected, "I'm sure all she needs to do is think about Harry, and her bottom half will melt no problem."

"Fred," Ginny chattered. "The minute I'm out of this. I'm hexing both you and George."

"Gin, come on, it's all in good fun," Harry reassured her. "Let me help." He cast a charm and the ice began to melt.

The twins looked at each other as if this was planned all along.

"Thanks, Harry," she beamed bright as the star on the top of the tree. "If you would excuse me, I'm going to change out of these wet clothes."

Molly cast a warming charm over the dinner to keep the meal from getting cold as they waited for Ginny to return. The group chatted and read all the terrible jokes and riddles that were included in the crackers. Ron's jovial mood, thanks to the Congeniality Crown, kept everyone more than entertained.

Harry noticed Ginny seemed to be taking quite some time. "Excuse me, I need to use the loo."

They waited until he was out of earshot, then the twins said in unison, "We need to go too."

"At the same time?" Their eldest brother quirked his eyebrow.

"Yes, Bill. Our biological clocks are synced," Replying once more in tandem.

The twins ran to the base of the stairs and peeked around to find Harry and Ginny on the landing. They tucked out of sight so they could observe their handiwork. George discreetly threw an extendable ear to listen in on the lovebirds in the making.

"You alright?" Harry asked with concern.

"Yeah. My brothers are just tossers," she pouted. "I just really liked that dress I was wearing earlier."

He looked down at the light blue dress she had changed into and it matched beautifully with the snowflake crown that he was surprised she hadn't taken off. "I think you still look beautiful." He gulped in embarrassment, not expecting those words to escape his lips. "I mean, er, you looked nice earlier, and you um, look nice now."

"Harry Potter, you charmer," she smiled and took a step forward. Casually, she flicked the foliage hanging in front of his face. "You're still wearing mistletoe."

"I guess I am."

They both leaned forward and shared a soft, sweet, Christmas kiss.

"Merry Christmas," Ginny said before biting her lip, hoping he would kiss her again.

"Merry Christmas," he blushed in reply and put his hands in his pockets. "I...um...would like to kiss you again but I think everyone is waiting for us."

She sighed, "You're probably right." Ginny extended her hand and Harry graciously accepted.

"Aww. Isn't that sweet!" Fred announced as he and George appeared from their hiding spot.

"So you still cross with us?" George asked while producing the most pathetic puppy dog eyes.

"You planned this?" Harry said in astonishment.

"Yup," the twins confirmed.

Ginny turned to Harry and squeezed his hand. She thought about how she and Harry wouldn't have been able to spend a single second alone over the Christmas break if it weren't for those two dunderheards. "Oh, I guess I'll forgive you."

"Good," George nodded.

"One more thing." Fred waved his wand and the mistletoe was no longer on Harry's crown but on his belt buckle.

The youngest Weasley's fiery red hair could have burst into flames as she released Harry's hand and practically flew down the stairs with the intent to do serious harm to her brothers. "I'm going to murder you!"

Harry was left on the landing and chuckled to himself. "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night."

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 **A/N: Happy Holidays and** **t** **hanks for reading. Extra special thank** **you to LightofEvolution for inviting me to her very special advent.** **Feel free to leave a review and please check o** **ut the rest of the Let Your Heart be Light collection** **. I'm also on tumblr: harrypotterandthegobletofwine and Facebook: saintdionysuswriter**


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